I keep having versions of the same conversation with people.
Someone is capable, thoughtful, trying really hard… and overwhelmed about why they’re so exhausted all of the time.
In their mind, their day didn’t look that big.
A few meetings. Some emails. Swinging by the shop to pick up a few things. A social interaction or two. Time with family. A walk. Making dinner.
There’s nothing ‘dramatic’ there.
And yet by the end of the day, having a shower feels like running a marathon that requires extensive recovery time, more often than not, parallel on the couch. And don’t even think about washing your hair!
No, you’re not making it up. The exhaustion is real, and it can happen because of many factors. Sensory triggers, context switching, moving between environments and to-do’s without any breaks in between, the mental load of carrying everything in your head and the CONSTANT monitoring (often times, subconsciously).
This is where spoon theory and energy accounting can be helpful.
Not as another thing to track.
But as a simple way to start noticing where your energy actually goes, and from there, making intentional decisions.
The Visible Task Isn’t Always the Whole Cost
Spoon theory was created by writer Christine Miserandino to explain the limited daily energy available when living with chronic illness.
The idea is simple: imagine you start the day with a certain number of spoons. Everything you do that day costs at least one spoon. Some more than one. And when the spoons are gone, they’re gone.
For ADHD and AuDHD brains, this can make a lot of sense. Because the task itself often isn’t the whole cost.
It’s not just “going to work”.
It’s the masking.
The sensory load.
The appointments and transitions.
The decisions (so many decisions!).
The endless to do list.
And that meeting where you’re trying to follow the conversation, process the social dynamics, manage your face, remember what you were going to say, and not look visibly overwhelmed by the fluorescent lighting.
No wonder some days feel exhausting!
Pushing Through Has a Cost
A lot of us have learned to push through.
Sometimes because we had to. Sometimes because no one noticed what it was costing us. Sometimes because being capable became part of our identity, even when the behind-the-scenes reality was… less polished.
But pushing through doesn’t create energy.
It borrows from tomorrow.
And it can accumulate.
Those crash days build up. Into a weekend where you feel like a lump. Into an episode of burnout. Into a cycle.
This links closely to something I think a lot about in my own life and business after what felt like a lifetime of exhaustion and burnout, culminating in the ‘big one’ at age 45.
These days, I think alot about my capacity and how to intentionally make decisions to support me to stay healthy.
Because whether we’re talking about work, parenting, caring, marketing, socialising, or just keeping life ticking along, the question isn’t:
“How do I do more?”
Sometimes the better question is:
“How can I do things differently?”
The Smallest Version That Still Counts
One question I come back to often — for myself and with the people I mentor and coach — is:
What’s one small change or demand you can remove from your plate right now?
A short walk instead of a workout at the gym.
A text instead of a phone call.
Packet soup instead of cooking from scratch.
Writing one paragraph instead of the whole report.
Rescheduling an appointment to another week where you have less on.
Saying ‘no, not now’ (which doesn’t mean ‘forever’).
This is a reset BEFORE you’re empty, not after you’ve crashed
Download the Free Worksheet
I created a short worksheet called Where Did My Energy Go? to explain spoon theory and energy accounting in plain English.
It includes a simple way to start noticing:
- what drains your energy
- what restores your energy
- what sits in the messy middle and depends on the day
No fixing.
No judging.
No overhauling your entire life by Tuesday.
Just noticing.
Because you can’t work with your capacity if you don’t know where your energy is going.
You can download the free worksheet here: