The “new beginnings” energy that’s meant to feel refreshing can land differently if you’re neurodivergent.

Instead of clarity, there’s pressure. And instead of excitement, there’ ‘s the loop:

How do I make this year different?
Where do I even start?
What do I prioritise out of all the things?

And underneath it all — exhaustion before you’ve even begun.

I’ve never been someone who loves resolutions. The idea of setting big goals or mapping out year-long plans has always felt more overwhelming than helpful.

The idea of setting big goals or long-range plans has often felt more overwhelming than helpful — like being asked to map out a future I can’t quite picture yet.

Some years, I’ve leaned hard into planning. Other years, I’ve avoided it altogether — quietly hoping things would just work themselves out if I kept my head down.(Full ostrich mode. Head in the sand. You get me?)

Last year, my business went well. Really well. But by the end of it, I felt strangely unmoored.

Busy. In demand. Pulled along by momentum. And also not fully in control of my time, my energy, or the direction things were heading.

That feeling — of being pulled along rather than choosing — is subtle, but it matters. Especially if you’re already navigating a busy brain, fluctuating capacity, sensory overload, and the mental effort of holding a lot together.

The problem wasn’t a lack of ambition or discipline. It was a lack of regular pause.

And so I’ve come back to something that once worked well for me: quarterly reflection and planning.

Neurodivergent time moves differently

If you’re ADHD or AuDHD, your relationship with time is… complicated.

Some seasons feel expansive and energising. Others feel foggy, heavy, or strangely stalled. You might do a month’s worth of work in a week — and then need several weeks to recover.

This isn’t a failure of consistency.
It’s a nervous system reality.

Traditional planning assumes steady capacity, consistent energy, and linear progress.

Many neurodivergent people don’t experience life that way. It’s more of an ebb and flow. Periods of ease, then a hard slog.

Quarterly reflection works with this reality rather than against it. It creates moments of pause long enough to actually notice patterns.

Reflection isn’t about fixing yourself

Done well, reflection is about sense-making, not self-improvement.

It can help you notice things like:

• When your energy naturally rose or dipped
• What kinds of work felt nourishing versus draining
• Where you over-committed, people-pleased or comprimised your values (often with good intentions)
• What quietly worked, even if it didn’t look impressive
• How you felt — physically and mentally

This kind of reflection can be regulating. It reduces the constant mental load of trying to hold everything in your head. And it interrupts the urge to reinvent your entire life every January.

(Ask me how I know.)

Why quarterly — not monthly, not yearly

Monthly reflection can feel too close to the action. Plus, a month goes by just like that.

Yearly reflection can feel overwhelming and emotionally loaded — especially if the year included burnout, change, or grief.

A quarter sits in a gentle middle ground.

It’s enough time to see patterns without requiring you to summarise your entire existence. It creates a natural checkpoint — a place to pause, rest, and recalibrate if needed.

For ADHD and AuDHD brains, this matters. Quarterly reflection offers:

• a container
• a rhythm
• permission to pause

It’s structure that doesn’t feel like rigidity.

Planning from capacity, not aspiration

One of the biggest shifts quarterly reflection has offered me is this:

I no longer plan according to who I think I should be on my best day. I plan from capacity.

Reflection grounds planning in reality:

• Where did I feel stretched too thin?
• When did I feel stressed or overwhelmed?
• What supported me to function — not just produce?
• When did I feel more easeful?
• Where did I need more space, not more effort?

For me, that’s meant blocking time off each quarter — and even planning a holiday to Japan in May. Not as a reward for productivity. As part of the structure that supports my capacity.

(Because I’ve also realised: if I don’t plan my time off, it doesn’t happen.)

How do you want to feel this season?

When I sit down to reflect now, I don’t start with goals. I start with a simpler question:

How do I want to feel this season?

Not in an aspirational, “best version of myself” way — but in a grounded, nervous-system-aware way.

My overarching intention this year is exactly that: to be intentional.

And when I get specific, the feelings I’m orienting toward are simple:

• healthy — in my mind and body
• connected — in ways that feel meaningful, not rushed
• joyful — not constantly, but savouring more moments

Those become my filter. They guide how I schedule my time. What I commit to. How much structure I need, and where I need more space.

Instead of asking, “Is this the right decision?”

I ask, “Does this support how I want to feel this season?”

That shift alone has helped me start the year feeling more regulated — with space to actually play.

You don’t have to figure this out alone

I don’t love rigid plans. I resist anything overly prescriptive.

But quarterly reflection has given me something I was missing: a sense of agency.

I’m no longer a rudderless boat, pulled along by momentum and other people’s needs.

There’s structure now — with flexibility built in.
Direction — without pressure.
Space — for pause and purpose.

One thing I see again and again is how much easier reflection becomes when it’s externalised.

Thinking out loud.
Being witnessed.
Having someone help you name what you’re noticing — without rushing to solutions.

Quarterly reflection doesn’t have to be a solo journaling marathon. Sometimes it looks like a conversation, a brainstorm, or just space to think with someone who gets it.

If you’re curious about creating a more intentional quarterly rhythm — through reflection, structured thinking space, and planning that actually fits your brain — this is work I support.

The post Why Quarterly Reflection Matters (Especially If You’re Neurodivergent) appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

It’s not because I don’t care about growth, achieving things or change — it’s because, for me, resolutions have almost always been rooted in pressure and pushing.

They tend to assume unlimited energy, consistent motivation, and a nervous system that can tolerate being pushed.

That hasn’t been my lived experience.

This year, instead of resolutions, I set one overarching intention:

To be more intentional.

Not in a performative or productivity-driven way. But in a listening way.

Why intention feels different (and more sustainable)

Resolutions usually focus on outcomes:

• what you’ll achieve
• what you’ll improve
• what you’ll finally “fix”
• when you will do it by, within the next 12 months.

You see, there’s pressure there already!

Intentions focus on how you want to live.

They create a lens you can return to when energy fluctuates, life intervenes, or plans need to change. For ADHD and AuDHD brains — and for anyone caught in the burnout cycle or recovering from burnout — that flexibility matters.

Intentions leave room for capacity. Resolutions rarely do.

What being “more intentional” looks like

Over the break, I spent time reflecting on how I ended last year — not just what I did, but how I felt.

Tired. Proud. Stretched. Tender and a little brittle.

That reflection shaped how I approached planning for this year. Rather than mapping out everything I should do, I focused on how I want to be.

Being more intentional has meant:

• planning the year in quarters — asking “what does the next three months need?” rather than “how do I optimise the year?”
• scheduling rest, leave, and space first, because if it’s not in the calendar, it usually doesn’t happen
• having clear conversations about time off and priorities (including finally booking a long-awaited Japan trip in May)
• saying no earlier — and with less justification

This isn’t about doing less for the sake of it. It’s about doing things with awareness.

What I’m deliberately not doing

Part of intention-setting is naming what you’re choosing not to push.

This year, I’m being intentional about:

• not overriding my body when it’s asking for rest
• not saying yes out of habit or guilt
• not clinging to routines that no longer fit (goodbye, gym membership and the shame that came with it)
• not treating health as something to “work around” rather than prioritise

Letting go of things can feel uncomfortable — especially for ADHD/AuDHD adults who are used to trying harder to make things work. But sometimes, sustainability comes from subtraction, not addition.

Small, ordinary moments matter

Some of the most meaningful parts of this intention have shown up quietly.

On my first day back at work, I took half an hour for gentle yoga and stretching before opening my laptop. My neck and jaw softened. My body felt more settled. It changed the tone of the entire day.

I bought a six-month planner instead of demanding a full year of certainty from myself (and the guilt that would inevitably come when I forgot about it halfway through).

I allowed myself to rest through a sinus infection — even when my brain tried to convince me that housework would be a “better use” of my time.

And after a late-night trip to pet emergency with Freya (she’s okay), I was reminded — again — that presence, pacing, and care matter more than productivity.

Why this matters for ADHD & AuDHD adults

Living with ADHD or AuDHD often means navigating fluctuating energy, sensory load, emotional intensity, and periods of burnout. Traditional goal-setting frameworks don’t account for this.

Intentions offer something different:

• permission to adapt
• a way to check in rather than push through
• language that supports nervous system regulation
• a reminder that capacity is not a moral failing

This isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about setting standards that don’t cost you your health.

If you’re starting the year tired

You’re not behind.

You don’t need a resolution.
You don’t need a complete plan.
And you don’t need to reinvent yourself.

You might just need an intention that feels steady, kind, and realistic — one you can return to when things feel messy, overwhelming or you feel a little lost.

For me, that intention is being more intentional.

And I’ll keep coming back to it this year, one choice at a time.

—

If you’d like support navigating intention-setting, pacing, or sustainable ways of living and working with ADHD or AuDHD, you’re welcome to explore coaching with me. We start where you are at right now.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What’s the difference between intention-setting and New Year’s resolutions?

A: New Year’s resolutions tend to focus on goal setting, outcomes and self-improvement, often assuming you will have consistent energy and motivation. Intention-setting focuses on how you want to live — allowing for flexibility, capacity changes, and real life.

Q: Why don’t New Year’s resolutions work well for ADHD and AuDHD adults?

A: Many resolutions rely on rigid routines, sustained motivation, longer term goals and planning, and pushing through discomfort. ADHD and AuDHD adults often experience fluctuating energy, sensory load, motivation and burnout, which can make intention-based and shorter-time framed approaches more sustainable.

Q: How do I set intentions if I’m already burnt out?

A: Start small. Intentions don’t need to be goals. They can be words, values, or ways of being — such as pacing, rest, or listening to your body. The intention should support recovery, not demand performance.

Q: Is intention-setting just “doing less”?

A: Not necessarily. Intention-setting isn’t about lowering standards and expectations — it’s about setting standards that respect your capacity and nervous system, so you can engage with life in a sustainable way.

Q: Can intention-setting help with ADHD burnout recovery?

A: Yes. Intention-setting can create space for reflection, adaptation, and nervous system regulation, all of which are important for recovering from burnout and preventing future cycles.

The post Intention, Not Resolution: A Gentler Way to Begin the Year with ADHD & AuDHD appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

Not just on the year I’ve had personally, but on what I’ve learned along the way.

This year, some very clear themes showed up again and again — particularly through my work with ADHD and AuDHD adults, leaders, and professionals.

Here are the main things I’ve learned this year. They’re not insights you’ll find in typical ADHD hacks or productivity tips.

People don’t need more hacks — they need less friction

People rarely struggle because they “don’t know what to do” or are unmotivated.

More often, people feel stuck because:

• their energy is treated as unlimited.
• their environment doesn’t match how their brain actually works
• recovery time is invisible (or not acknowledged at all)
• expectations are unclear, unspoken, confusing or constantly shifting.

This is usually a systems, process, and communication issue — not a motivation problem.

When friction is reduced, people don’t need to be pushed. They naturally move forward.

Capability is often mistaken for capacity

One of the biggest contributors to burnout I see is this mismatch.

People are capable, intelligent, experienced, and skilled — and they work bloody hard. Many are high performers, so more gets added to their plate.

More work.
Additional responsibility.
More emotional labour.
Unspoken expectations.

But capacity isn’t considered.

The friction shows up when:

• expectations don’t match nervous system capacity
• energy and focus are treated as infinite
• recovery time isn’t factored in
• transitions are underestimated

Capacity fluctuates based on stress, health, sensory load, hormones, life circumstances, energy patterns, time of day, and nervous system state.

Burnout happens when capacity is ignored simply because someone can.

The Hidden Cost of Communication Fatigue

People are drained, not by the work itself, but by the constant effort of translating their experience.

Explaining.
Re-explaining.
Choosing the right words.
Managing tone.
Masking reactions.
Anticipating misunderstandings.
Reading between the lines.
Interpreting intentions and unspoken rules.

Even well-intentioned workplaces can be cognitively expensive.

This relational load is one of the most underestimated contributors to ADHD and AuDHD burnout.

Transitions are real work

Another quiet but consistent theme is transitions.

Meeting to meeting.
Work to home.
Task to task.
Masking to unmasking.
One environment to another.

Transitions require processing time, emotional regulation, and nervous system adjustment. When rushed or ignored, stress accumulates — even if the workload itself looks reasonable on paper.

Designing for transitions is one of the most powerful (and overlooked) supports.

Burnout isn’t dramatic — it’s quiet

Burnout doesn’t always look like collapse.

More often, it looks like:

• withdrawal
• numbness
• over-functioning
• “I’m fine” with no joy underneath
• doing everything… without feeling connected to it
• pushing through.

This kind of burnout is easy to miss, especially in high-functioning, capable people.

ADHD and AuDHD Awareness Is About Fit, Not Fixing

What this year has reinforced for me is this:

ADHD and AuDHD awareness isn’t about productivity tips.

It’s about designing lives, workplaces, and expectations that fit the nervous system.

Less forcing.
More empathy — for yourself and others.
More permission to do things differently.
And time for rest, recovery and restoration.

As I close out the year, I’m holding these reminders for myself too.

Growth doesn’t have to hurt.

Support and reasonable adjustment shouldn’t have to be a fight.

And intentionally doing less can sometimes be the most simple and effective change of all.

— Janine

P.S.

In my coaching work with ADHD and AuDHD adults, these patterns show up regardless of role, industry, or success.

If these reflections resonate, it may be because you’re navigating similar patterns — burnout that doesn’t look dramatic, expectations that don’t quite fit, or a sense that “doing more” isn’t the answer.

Coaching isn’t about fixing you. It’s about understanding how you work — and building support, systems, and boundaries that honour that.

If you’re curious about working together, you can learn more or book a free discovery call with me here.

We start where you are.

The post What ADHD Coaching Has Taught Me This Year (That You Won’t Find in Productivity Tips) appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

As the year winds down, I always feel a mix of emotions — gratitude, joy, tenderness… and if I’m honest, tiredness.

Coaching is one of the greatest joys in my life. Every session lifts me in a way that’s hard to put into words. Being invited into people’s stories — their growth, their struggles, their recalibration — is a genuine privilege I don’t take that lightly.

This year, I’m ending it tired. Properly tired.

It’s been a year of holding space, expanding my practice, navigating life, family and health challenges, pivoting, learning, and growing.

So as we move into the end of the year, I wanted to share something other than motivational goal-setting or “New Year, New You” energy.

Instead, this is an invitation to slow down and gently reflect on the end of year.

When Christmas Feels Complicated

For many Neurodivergent people, the Christmas period can be a bit — or a lot — overwhelming.

It can be emotionally heavy, socially draining, sensory overloading, and deeply complex due to family dynamics, grief, or expectations.

If that’s you, I want you to know this:

• You’re allowed boundaries.
• You’re allowed to say no.
• You’re allowed to step away, opt out, or keep things small.

“Good enough” really is good enough.

Gentle Supports for the Christmas Period

Here are a few gentle supports that can help you through the Christmas period:

• Choose one non-negotiable that supports your nervous system: a daily walk, a time limit on a social gathering, choosing to skip the booze this year, a consistent bed-time. Choose something that works for your nervous system.
• Build in transitions between events and recovery time after social events.
• Create micro-moments of grounding: a walk, fresh air, bare feet on the earth, a quiet pause in the bathroom, noise-cancelling headphones, a hug with your pet.
• Find moments of joy in your way, not the way you or others think you should.

You Don’t Need to Reinvent Yourself for the New Year

As we wrap up the year, and since I love a good reflection, here’s a few gentle reflections to consider over the coming weeks:

• What do I genuinely have capacity for right now?
• Where can I give myself permission to do less, say no, or rest?
• Where did I surprise myself this year?
• What might support future-me, even in a tiny way?
• What can I gently leave behind this year, and what do I want to carry forward?

There are no right answers, and these aren’t productivity hacks — they’re questions to help you tune in and nurture your nervous system.

And in case you need a permission:

You don’t need a brand-new planner.

You don’t need to overhaul your life.

And you don’t need to emerge from January a “better version” of yourself.

You’re allowed to arrive at the end of the year exactly as you are.

Moving gently into the new year

January doesn’t need to be a sprint. It can be a soft landing.

If planning feels supportive, great. If rest is what’s needed first, that’s valid too.

Me, well, I’m practising what I preach.

I’ll be taking a short break over the holiday period to rest, reset, and recalibrate — following Freya’s (my assistant and rescue Doberman) lead with more naps and a few treats, fewer expectations, and plenty of pauses.

Wherever this season finds you, I hope you can meet yourself with kindness.

You’ve done enough.

You are enough.

Rest is not a reward — it’s a requirement.

— Janine

Coaching to support you in the New Year

If you’re reading this and feeling tired, stretched, burnt out, are crawling to the finish line, or are quietly questioning how to move into the new year, you don’t have to do that alone.

In my work as an ADHD and AuDHD coach in Australia, I see this pattern every year.

Coaching can be a space to slow things down, make sense of what’s been heavy, get clearer on your overall values, needs and priorities in this season of your life, and design the next season in a way that actually fits you.

If and when it feels right, you’re welcome to book a coaching discovery call with me here.

No urgency. No pressure. Just support, when you need it.

Frequently Asked Questions

The post A Gentle End-of-Year Reflection: Permission to Do Less appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

Some stories take years to make sense — mine started to fall into place at 45.

For most of my life, I thought I was just a bit of an anxious mess. A little (or a lot) sensitive. Someone who never quite fit in but kept trying anyway. And lost.

Wanting to do all the things — but ending up overwhelmed, exhausted, and wondering why everything felt hard. How did others manage to function and look so put-together?

I was always running on empty (or fumes, really…). And I had so many feelings all the time.

When I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism (AuDHD) at 45, it was like someone had lifted back a curtain.

It turns out, I wasn’t broken. My brain (and body, to be honest) just worked differently — beautifully, chaotically, sometimes brilliantly, mostly exhaustingly, and sometimes just bafflingly!

Behind the Curtain

From the outside, I looked fairly successful. But behind the curtain, I was working twice as hard to maintain that illusion.

Every day was a game of mental logistics — keeping track of my keys, planning driving routes with built-in buffer time, not losing my laptop, managing the overwhelm that came with something as simple as running errands… and remembering to eat.

It wasn’t that I lacked discipline. I was managing executive dysfunction, anxiety, sensory overload, and trauma — all without knowing their names.

I was also heavily masking — after years of experience, conditioning, and messaging that told me to hide the real me.

I didn’t realise how much energy that took until I started to unmask… and finally felt how deeply exhausting it had been.

Before I Knew

Looking back, the signs were there; they were just hidden really well.

The endless lists. The constant mental noise.

The way I could be laser-focused on one thing for hours, but unable to start a “simple” task.

How I could lead complex multi-million dollar projects with confidence — but melt down from a sudden change in plans or too many competing priorities.

How much time, energy and effort I put into just getting somewhere while feeling riddled with anxiety – even if I knew the person I was meeting or had been there before.

At the time, I chalked it up to stress, sensitivity, anxiety, or not being able to handle stress. I thought if I worked harder, organised better, took antidepressants, or learned the next life hack, I could fix myself.

Spoiler: you can’t out-plan your neurology.

Diagnosis & Relief

For years, I believed that:

• “Too sensitive” was a flaw, not an insight.
• Productivity meant working at 200% all of the time.
• Rest was something you earned after you’d finished everything (which, let’s be honest, never happened).
• Taking a break = falling in a heap and getting sick.
• I wasn’t good enough, not interesting enough, not smart enough. Just not ‘enough’.

Getting my ADHD and autism diagnoses at 45 was equal parts grief and relief.

Grief for the years I’d spent feeling broken, for all the times I pushed past exhaustion, for the masking and fawning I didn’t even know I was doing.

And relief — because finally, things made more sense.

It was the first time I could look back on my life with compassion instead of criticism.

The Sensory Story

One of the biggest light-bulb moments was realising how deeply sensory experiences affect me.

The panic I felt in crowded shopping centres.

The way fluorescent lights, office chatter, and background radios made me feel like I was vibrating from the inside out.

The relief of soft fabrics, flowy pants, fluffy blankets, and buying the same top in five colours because comfort matters.

These weren’t quirks — they were my body’s way of saying, “This comforts and feels safe to me.”

Understanding my sensory needs has been one of the most life-changing parts of unmasking and finding peace.

Here are a few things I wish I’d known sooner

Productivity doesn’t have to hurt. It’s about learning when you work best, how your energy ebbs and flows, and finding something sustainable (with the occasional 200% hyperfocus burst).

Rest, structure, silence, and downtime aren’t indulgent — they’re essential.

And equally, there’s nothing wrong with craving diversity, spontaneity, loud music, and freedom.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

The right people won’t think you’re “too much.” They’ll get you.

My brain works differently — and that doing things differently is where the magic is. Systems, good boundaries and the right degree of structure can support freedom — not stifle it.

Sensory experiences are real and powerful — and honoring them isn’t indulgent, it’s essential.

Working With (Not Against) Your Brain

These days, I help other late-diagnosed ADHD and AuDHD adults do the same — learning how to build lives and work patterns that honour their brains, rather than fighting against them.

There’s a lot of compassion, curiosity, and laughter involved — sometimes a few tears — and always the occasional Freya-approved nose bump .

If you’re somewhere on that path — discovering, processing, learning to unmask safely, or just trying to make sense of it all — you’re not alone.

I see you.

If you’d like to explore what working with your brain might look like, you can book a free exploratory chat here or learn more about ADHD & AuDHD coaching here.

The post Some Stories Take Years to Make Sense appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

I recently turned 48.

For years, I wrote annual birthday blog posts – little time capsules of the lessons I was learning (checks notes – my last reflections post was when I turned 46). Somewhere along the way, life got busy, heavy, and complicated, and I stopped. I also misplaced my blogging mojo and, well, blogging changed.

But this year, I felt the pull to write again.

Finding Myself Again

I’ll be honest — this year I’ve wrestled with ageing.

After years of stress (okay, a decade’s worth), I noticed the changes in the mirror – lines around my eyes, muscle that seemed to vanish overnight, and the weight of it all on my face and body.

But here’s what else I’ve noticed since turning 48.

Those lines also tell a different story: a story of laughter, smiling, connection, and joy.

They’re proof of a life lived, not wasted.

And I like the woman who looks back at me now.

I wish younger me had the confidence, knowledge, diagnoses, and self-worth I carry today – but I look at her with kindness, and give her a hug across time.

Rebuilding Strength — Body and Mind

Over the last year, I’ve taken up reformer Pilates and strength training.

My clothes don’t fit quite the same, but my body feels stronger, more capable. It’s both uncomfortable and awesome.

My work has grown, too.

Both sides of my business — ADHD and AuDHD coaching, and marketing — have flourished. I’m lucky to work with the right people, and to make an impact that feels meaningful.

That’s something I don’t take for granted.

Living More Authentically

Personally, I’ve been unmasking more as an AuDHD woman.

It’s a process filled with grief – for the girl and woman I hid away, and for the years spent carrying the exhaustion of masking. But it’s also filled with joy and relief, as I learn to drop the mask in safe spaces and live more authentically.

I’m still learning what that looks like.

Some days it’s messy. Other days, it’s pure freedom.

And despite the hard parts, I’m still choosing joy

Small things. Daily choices.

Walks with Freya, shared laughter with my husband, conversations (and laughs) with clients, and the support of friends and colleagues who boost me up when I need it.

At 48, here’s what I know for sure:

Strength can be rebuilt, even after burnout.
Joy is found in the little things if you look for it.
Authenticity is worth the discomfort it takes to get there.
A good support team makes all the difference.

I don’t know exactly what the next decade holds, but I do know this: I’m looking forward to it – with more strength, more kindness, and more joy.

Here’s to living, laughing, and thriving — one season at a time.

The post Reflections on Turning 48: Strength, Joy & Living More Authentically appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

I took last week off. Properly off.

No emails, no notifications, no endless scroll. Just me, my husband, and Freya the Doberman in Bridgetown — surrounded by trees, misty mornings, and the kind of quiet that gently untangles your brain.

My goal was simple: rest, reset, recharge.

I managed the first two — recharging is ongoing.

The Art of Taking a Real Break

It’s funny how slowing down feels harder than speeding up.

The first few days away, my brain still buzzed with to-do lists, emails, and half-finished projects. But nature has a way of softening the noise.

Long walks under towering trees, quiet afternoons reading, and Freya’s uncontainable joy at being off-lead and in a 100% dog-friendly home away from home reminded me that stillness isn’t laziness — it’s recovery.

When you finally pause, you notice how much tension you’ve been holding. It sits in your shoulders, your sleep, your thoughts. Sometimes, it takes a week in the forest to realise how overdue rest really was.

Rediscovering Joy in the Everyday

As the days went on, I started to notice little things again — the sound of kookaburras, cockatoos and magpies, sunlight through the leaves, the simple pleasure of cooking dinner without rushing.

Being away reminded me that joy doesn’t have to be big or loud. It can be as small as Freya’s muddy paws after a walk, or the calm that comes from breathing air that smells like rain and eucalyptus.

Now that I’m home, I’ve started my mornings with a short stretch and a few minutes of journaling — not as a productivity tool, but as a grounding one.

I work from home, and it’s easy to get stuck in my head or slip back into 12-hour days. Journaling helps me pause, set intentions, and check in with myself before the day runs away.

And because ADHD brains love novelty, I’ve mixed it up a bit — using prompts and even ChatGPT as an accountability buddy to keep things interesting. (So far, it’s working!)

The Reality of Coming Back

Re-entry is always strange, isn’t it? You return home a little clearer, but the world hasn’t slowed down with you.

I’ve realised that recharging isn’t something you tick off a list — it’s something you build into life. It’s in the morning rituals, the breaks between meetings, the slow walks after work.

So, I’m trying to bring a little of Bridgetown home with me — more fresh air, more pauses, more presence.

Rest as Resistance

This year has been heavy for so many of us. The noise, the constant change, the world feeling too much — it all adds up. Taking a break from the digital noise and the daily grind isn’t indulgent; it’s essential.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is rest.

Step back.

Let yourself breathe.

Because when you return, you come back with more clarity, more compassion, and a little more space to be yourself.

So here’s your reminder — it’s okay to step away.

The world will wait.

The post Recharging, Rediscovery, and Returning: Lessons from a Week Among the Trees appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

Over the years, I’ve come back again and again to a concept called INCUP. Since discovering it, I’ve found it incredibly helpful for understanding what motivates ADHD (and AuDHD) brains—and how making intentional tweaks can make a massive difference in how we live, work, and show up.

What Is INCUP?

Coined by psychiatrist Dr. William Dodson, INCUP refers to five key factors that tend to motivate interest-based nervous systems, like many of us with ADHD or AuDHD.

• Interest: If we care about what we’re doing—or it taps into a value, strength, or special interest—we’re far more likely to engage.
• Novelty / Nuance: The ADHD brain craves stimulation. A shift in environment, method, or approach can reignite energy and focus.
• Challenge: If something’s too easy, it’s boring. If it’s too hard, it can lead to shutdown. But the right amount of challenge? That’s where the magic happens.
• Urgency: A little pressure helps. Deadlines (especially mini ones), countdowns, and body doubling can all kickstart momentum.
• Passion / Purpose: Connecting to something meaningful—like a goal, a cause, or simply helping someone—can help us push through when motivation wavers.

INCUP isn’t a to-do list. It’s a lens. A tool to help you work with your brain, not against it.

Why the INCUP Framework Works for ADHD and AuDHD

Our brains are wired for difference. And INCUP can help explain why certain tasks light us up while others leave us stuck or flat.

As an AuDHDer, and someone who works with many AuDHD and Autistic clients, I’ve also noticed that INCUP is still incredibly relevant, but it needs gentle adaptation. Many of us also thrive on routine, predictability, sensory regulation, and consistency. So part of the art is finding the right balance between stimulation and support.

Some days, you’ll need more novelty. Other days, purpose will carry you through. And sometimes… none of it works. That’s okay too.

Here’s how INCUP shows up in real life for me

Interest

Interest is the spark that can pull us into a task and help make it feel almost effortless, at least for a while.

A few years ago, deep in burnout, I started a 4,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of Roman art. I didn’t expect much. But once I started, I was surprised how the hours just flew by.

I was fully immersed, not forcing myself to focus but naturally absorbed and challenged in the right way.

The puzzle was beautiful, tactile, and familiar in a comforting way (I loved jigsaws as a kid). I also have a special place in my heart for Rome, and the puzzle reminded me that when the right kind of interest is sparked, ADHD/AuDHD brains come alive.

The trick, of course, is that we can’t summon interest on demand. That’s where the rest of INCUP helps balance things out.

Novelty / Nuance

Novelty doesn’t have to be dramatic. Sometimes, it’s a small shift – trying a new app, changing scenery, gamification, or doing things out of order.

‘Newness’ can reignite interest, spark that dopamine, and help break us out of inertia.

And that nuance—a tweak in environment, routine, or method—can be a powerful support for sustaining energy and managing executive functioning challenges.

For me, a recent shift was starting Reformer Pilates to recover from a knee injury (cheers, Freya). I’d been avoiding the gym-something that’d worked so well for me for eight months-but I had a blockage, and I knew I needed to try something different to stay active.

It’s slightly outside my comfort zone—I’m not usually a ‘class’ person, I like solo activities—but it’s been energising. I feel stronger, more flexible, and more motivated. Plus, it feels proactive for this phase of life (hello, perimenopause).

Challenge

This one’s tricky. The right amount of challenge is energising. But too much? It can lead to panic or paralysis.

A few years ago, I coordinated a national event. On paper, I was perfect for it – a strong project management background, awards under my belt. But inside? I was anxious, overstimulated, and burnt out.

I got it done. But at a cost.

That experience reminded me: Just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean it’s good for me.

Since then, I’ve become more intentional about challenge. I use mini-deadlines, self-imposed accountability, and scaffolding to keep things manageable. And I no longer say yes to things that will completely dysregulate me.

Urgency

I need deadlines. They help activate my brain when open-ended tasks don’t.

But too much urgency—or being pushed into something I didn’t choose—can flip me into shutdown or PDA-mode (demand-avoidance). It’s a delicate balance.

Recently, I had to write a report for a client. It wasn’t due for months, so I delayed starting it. (Classic.)

A friend reminded me to “eat the frog”, so I broke it down into smaller tasks with mini-deadlines. That made it doable.

These days, I’m also experimenting with low-stakes urgency: using body doubling, timers, or scheduling blocks for future me to step into with less resistance.

And if I notice demand-avoidance really kicking in, I take a step back to explore ‘why’. Whether it’s the tone someone used to ask me to do something, that I agreed to when I should have said no, or it’s something I genuinely don’t want to do because it conflicts with my core values, needs, and priorities.

Passion / Purpose

This one’s easy. Coaching.

Every session reminds me why I do what I do. I feel connected, energised, and deeply aligned with my values.

After years of jobs where I had to mask or push through burnout, coaching feels like home. It’s real. It’s human. It matters.

I show up fully as myself—unmasked, a bit quirky, honest, and present. No performance. No masking. Just purpose. And it just feels right.

Bringing INCUP Into Your Life

If you’re feeling stuck, burnt out, or unmotivated, try a quick INCUP check-in. Ask yourself:

• I – Interest: What’s interesting about this? Can I link it to a value, strength or interest?
• N – Novelty / Nuance: Can I do this in a different way? What’s one small change that would make this feel fresh? Can I mix things up by making it more fun or gamifying it?
• C – Challenge: Is this the right level of challenge? Too much? Too little? Can I break it down?
• U – Urgency: What kind of urgency helps me (without frying my nervous system)? Do I need a soft deadline, accountability buddy, or a timer?
• P – Passion / Purpose: Why does this matter to me, or someone I care about?

Final Thoughts

INCUP isn’t a magic fix. But it’s a tool that helps you understand how your brain works—and what it needs to thrive.

For AuDHDers, it can also help you strike that balance between stimulation and regulation. Because sometimes we need novelty, and sometimes we need repetition. Sometimes we need a deadline, and other times, we need time to process.

There’s no perfect formula. However, with curiosity, experimentation, and self-compassion, you can begin building a life that feels more aligned and more authentic to you.

The post The INCUP Framework: How INCUP Can Help Neurodivergent Brains Thrive appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

The answer?

Well, it depends.

While a VA can be a big help, it also depends on how the relationship is set up, your communication styles, what you have on your plate at the moment (that’s work AND life), and how willing you are and how easy it will be to delegate and let go.

From my experience as an AuDHD business owner (and having worked with neurodivergent clients), here are some pros, cons, and things to consider before hiring support.

Pros of Hiring a VA (Especially If You’re Neurodivergent)

Reduces Your Executive Functioning Load

Delegating repetitive or draining tasks (like emails, calendar management, admin follow-ups) or tasks that don’t align with your strengths frees up your time and energy for the work that really matters and aligns with you.

Improves Consistency & Routine

A VA can help you to set up and keep your systems running smoothly (I’m talking about reminders, inbox management, task planning and management – you get the gist), which can be incredibly helpful, especially at times when your executive functioning fluctuates.

Supports Spoon & Time Management

Tasks that might cost you five spoons might only cost your VA one. That means more time and energy in your reserves.

Boosts Capacity Without Burnout

You don’t need to do everything yourself. Hiring a VA can help you grow your business or manage your role and workload without running yourself into the ground. When you’re working in your zone of genius and your VA in theirs, magical things can happen!

Flexible & Customisable Support

Many VAs work on a project or retainer basis, i.e. 5 hours per week.

You can start small and scale up, adjust their hours to align with the ebb and flow of the peaks and troughs in your business, or keep things light-touch and low-pressure.

Potential Challenges

Setup Takes Energy

Don’t underestimate the time you’ll need to get them set up and onboard.

Onboarding, training, and determining what to delegate takes effort upfront. So does the actual handover and initial check-ins.

If you’re in burnout, it might feel too hard initially or cost more spoons than you’ll save in the long run.

Personally, I faced this challenge in 2024 after bringing a virtual assistant (VA) on board. I just didn’t have the spoons to give them, and it wasn’t fair to them – or me.

Letting Go Can Be Hard

Perfectionism, control, or unclear expectations can make delegation tricky. If you haven’t defined your processes yet, it might feel even harder.

Communication Must Work for You

Many neurodivergent folks need clear, direct, and often asynchronous communication. We also have our preferred ways of communicating – whether it’s verbal, written, visual or a mish-mash depending on how we’re feeling and functioning.

Make sure your VA can adapt to that.

Relationship Management Still Takes Energy

Be realistic with yourself and your capacity before bringing anyone on board. Even a great VA needs check-ins, feedback, and direction, and this is a form of emotional labour that requires time.

Timezones & Availability

Offshore VAs can be more affordable but may introduce delays, language or cultural mismatches, or make real-time collaboration harder. (On the flip side, different time zones, affordability and diversity can work well!).

Ethical Offshoring

If your values include fair pay and worker rights, vet your platforms or agencies when looking offshore to ensure ethical conditions are in place.

Not All VAs Understand Neurodivergence

Look for someone who is neurodivergent-informed (or neurodivergent themselves), especially if you need patience, flexibility AND structure, and a specific communication style.

Tips to Set Up a Supportive VA Relationship

• Start small: Choose 1–2 tasks to delegate. Think: inbox zero, appointment scheduling, document formatting, or designing a couple of social media graphics.
• Use Loom: Record a quick screen share rather than writing long briefs. It saves time and gets your tone across. You could also use audio recordings/voice memos.
• Set communication expectations: How often, what platform (email, Trello, WhatsApp, text), and your boundaries around your availability.
• Try a short trial: One month or one project can be a good test of compatibility.
• Ask for ND-aware referrals: If possible, get recommendations from other neurodivergent business owners.

Final Thoughts

Hiring a VA isn’t about doing less. It’s about doing what matters more easily, with more energy left for the things you love.

It won’t fix everything overnight, and it takes some effort to get it right. But with the right fit, it can make your work-life (and brain!) feel just a little bit lighter.

Have you tried working with a VA before? I’d love to hear how it went!

Want support with decision-making, delegation or energy management? Let’s chat.

The post Should You Hire a Virtual Assistant as a Neurodivergent Business Owner? appeared first on Janine Defontaine.

But in my business, I’ve come to a rebellious conclusion: you don’t always have to.

Embracing versatility and adaptability.

While many experts advocate finding a specific niche, I’ve found value in embracing a broader approach. An approach that serves my ADHD brain so I have the flexibility and diversity I need in my days, weeks and months. This has helped maintain my interest and motivation in what I do while allowing me the space to explore my interests and strengths.

Here’s the thing:

Instead of narrowing my focus, I choose to focus on the versatility and adaptability of my service offerings.

This allows me to work with a broader range of clients with varying needs and preferences, from individuals to not-for-profits and corporates. It has kept me open to new opportunities and areas of expertise while my business and I remain dynamic, adaptable to evolving trends, and ready for what comes next.

Of course, niching down isn’t wrong.

Niching down works for a lot of businesses.

By focusing on a specific niche, you can differentiate yourself from other businesses, position yourself as an expert in your field, and streamline your marketing to attract your ideal clients more easily.

For a while there, I had a ‘niche.’

I specialised in supporting not-for-profits in the mental health and disability space with their digital media marketing.

And I loved it!

I loved building engaged online and offline communities, and I thrived on designing and coordinating impactful awareness campaigns. I was so energised!

That is, until I wasn’t.

Call it compassion fatigue combined with the changing nature of digital media marketing, which has shifted away from community building to a few unsavoury experiences.

The truth was, I was also bored and burnt out from giving my all to that one thing, and I needed a change as I yearned for a break from ‘all things mental health’ and just wanted to do something different.

I’m here to challenge the idea that niching is the only path to success.

Embracing a broader approach in your business offers advantages and can lead to unexpected opportunities.

A few years later, and after a lot of experimentation, trial and error, I have two streams in my business, which I navigate fairly comfortably (aside from the times I say ‘yes’ to too many things or fail to time block my calendar appropriately):

Strategic Marketing, Communications and Project Management for corporates and not-for-profits in Australia

Okay, that may seem like a lot; however, I have several retainers and recurring clients across corporate and not-for-profits that I work with consistently. That provides stability and diversity, as I use my key strengths to support them in numerous ways. As the relationships develop, there generally tend to be other projects and opportunities that arise that I may choose to tackle (or not).

I also have the balance of working with purpose-driven not-for-profits and corporates – satisfying my need to do something purposeful.

Side note: I’ve gotta say, after initially being reluctant, I’ve enjoyed dipping my toe back into the corporate world. It’s awesome having a marketing budget, I tell ya!). The experience has both challenged and invigorated me!

ADHD Coaching, Mentoring & Consulting

I initially started providing coaching services as a consultant to adults with ADHD and Autism through an organisation. Then, I went out independently, offering ADHD coaching and life coaching to anyone anywhere.

As I started to find my groove and recognised who I enjoyed coaching, I narrowed my focus to women with ADHD and lived experience of mental health challenges like myself. I also completed a health and wellness coaching course, thinking I could become a health and wellness coach; however, I quickly abandoned that for reasons I won’t go into here.

Recently, I’ve hit what I call my ‘sweet spot’ where I feel I am in my element, coaching and mentoring late-diagnosed women with ADHD, AuDHD and Autism who live in Australia. 

Side note: I don’t turn away any gender. I’ve also worked with blokes of various ages. Consulting is a reasonably recent addition, and I’ll explore it more in 2025.

Find what works best for you.

Ultimately, the decision to niche down (or not) should be based on what works for you—your goals, strengths, and long-term vision (which can change!).

There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy.

Exploring different paths can lead to surprising growth.

Not conforming to the niche narrative has helped me thrive in my career and business. By staying broad, I’ve tapped into diverse markets, reached a wider audience, and kept myself open to new opportunities. It’s

It’s about finding what works best for you—even if that means going against the grain.

Want Support in Building a Business That Works for You?

If you’re a neurodivergent business owner or looking to start a business or side hustle, I offer personalized one-on-one mentoring. My mentoring is designed to help you navigate challenges, embrace your strengths, and create a business or career that aligns with your true self.

Reach out for a chat—I’d love to learn more about you!

The post My Unconventional Advice: You Don’t Have to Niche Down in Your Business appeared first on Janine Defontaine.